If I Am Gone

(A Letter for the Ones I Love)

 

To my beautiful daughters, my cherished sisters, my ever-loving brother, my beloved nieces and nephews, and to my parents —

the ones who gave me life,

the ones who gave me purpose,

the ones who made every breath worth fighting for:

 

If you are reading this, it means my battles won.

Not because I was weak.

Not because I didn’t love you enough.

Not because I gave up.

But because sometimes, no matter how hard we fight,

the weight inside becomes heavier than the body can carry.

 

I need you to know —

I need you to know —

it was never about not loving you enough.

You were my light, every single day, even on the darkest ones.

You were my heartbeat, my reason, my wild hope.

 

I tried.

God, I tried harder than anyone knows.

I wore my smiles like armor, my laughter like a shield,

and I pushed through pain so deep it could have swallowed whole mountains.

 

I wasn't as strong as you all thought I was —

not all the time.

Sometimes, being strong means knowing when you can't keep pretending.

Sometimes, being strong is simply loving so hard and so deeply that it breaks you open.

 

Please don't carry guilt.

Please don't wonder what you could have done.

You were enough for me.

You were always enough.

 

I hope you remember me not as someone who gave up,

but as someone who loved with every fractured piece of her heart,

someone who fought silent wars every day and still showed up smiling for the ones she loved.

 

My girls, my sisters, my family—

You were my greatest pride.

My sweetest blessing.

My reason for waking, my prayers whispered into the night.

 

I will love you beyond breath, beyond time, beyond life itself.

And I will be with you —

in every sunrise,

in every song you hum without thinking,

in every quiet moment when you feel a presence near your heart.

 

Carry me with you, but do not let sorrow be my final gift to you.

I want you to laugh loudly, love deeply, live bravely.

I want you to know you were, and always will be, my heart’s greatest masterpiece.

 

I love you forever.

Please, love each other fiercely for me.

Never doubt your worth.

Never stop fighting for your joy.

 

You are my legacy.

You are my light.

 

Always yours,

Mommy

aka

Robin