A Girl Still Dreams

I cradle a love the world mustn’t see,

Tucked in the hush of what might never be.

He walks with another, hand in her hand,

While I trace forever in shifting sand.

By day I smile, I laugh, I play—

But night steals the armor I wear in the day.

His voice, like a whisper carved into stone,

Feels like home… though I’m not his own.

I’ve danced in the silence between the lines,

Kissed him in shadows where no light shines.

Years have passed like a soft-spoken hymn,

Each moment with him—my heart on a whim.

I know what is right, I know what is true,

Yet love doesn’t always ask permission to bloom.

It bloomed like spring through winter’s deceit,

Even knowing it wouldn’t be mine to keep.

I’ve been the secret, the pause in his song,

Still, I’ve held on—perhaps too long.

Not out of weakness, not for the thrill,

But because something in me believes he will…

Maybe one day—when stars realign,

He’ll look at me not as borrowed, but mine.

'Til then I wait in quiet esteem,

Faithful to love…

And the girl who still dreams.

Hollow Holidays

The lights are strung, the carols play,

But joy feels a million miles away.

My daughters' laughter, their shining eyes,

Lost in the void where my spirit lies.

This holiday season, no gifts can mend

The broken road I’m forced to tend.

Court papers, therapy, miles of red tape,

Each moment, a struggle to escape.

Sobriety's a chain I clutch so tight,

Yet demons call to me late at night.

Their whispers echo: "You'll never be free,"

A fight I wage for the best version of me.

My love is questioned, my heart denied,

Though I give all, I’m met with pride.

A love unproven, mistrust takes hold—

A fragile bond, so brittle, so cold.

Felonies shadow my every stride,

A past I can’t flee, though I’ve tried.

Jobs that vanish, dreams delayed,

Child support for love unpaid.

Miles from home, from family’s grace,

Yet compliance demands I keep my place.

Therapy, classes, appointments to tend,

The grind unyielding, it never ends.

Still, beneath the weight, a flicker glows,

A mother’s love that fiercely knows—

One day, I'll climb this endless climb,

And reclaim what’s lost, one step, one time.

For now, I breathe, I fight, I stand,

This broken heart still demands:

I may be fractured, but I’m not through—

I’ll keep rising, for me, for you.

Embracing the Darkness

My daughters are the light of my life—the reason I breathe, the reason I smile, the reason I keep going. Without them here with me, everything feels so dark. It’s getting harder and harder to put on a fake smile, to pretend I’m okay when all I do is cry. I’m so sad all the time, and I hate feeling like this. I just want my daughters home.

I want to be the mom I know I can be—the mom they deserve, the mom I was before all of this. The only thing I’ve ever been certain about in this life is being their mommy. Without them, I have no purpose. My life feels meaningless without them.

I wish I could go back. I wish I had never let them go visit New York. If I knew then what I know now, everything would be so different. I just need my life back. I need my daughters back. I need this pain to stop because it’s only getting worse.

I’m at a breaking point. I don’t know what to do anymore, but I know I can’t keep living like this. If you’re reading this, please send me strength because I truly need it more than ever